One thing that seems to fall onto the laps of wives due to stereotypical expectations, and the desire of many wives to fulfill those expectations is daily cooking. Now, I know that there are many women who love to cook! That's wonderful. I really envy those women! I wish I loved to cook. It would make my life much simpler. But, the unfortunate reality is that,unless I am cooking a frozen pizza or cookies, I'm not really a happy camper when it comes to my responsibilities at dinner time! On my own, I could easily live off of Lean Cuisines or thin crust pizza or pasta. But, a good mom and wife just doesn't do that. So I work very hard to try to make healthy meals for my family each night. Ugh.
Once in awhile my husband Glenn eagerly wants to take over the chore. He enters from the farmer's market with a brown bag filled to the brim with steak, salad fixings, and beer. It's grill out night! Yay! I'm happy to let him do it. Or in the Winter, he'll cook salmon and different pasta dishes when he feels like it. But, here's what gets me. He loves cooking! I don't get it. Cooking is hard!
Despite the fact that I cook every night, Glenn thinks he knows more about cooking than me because when he was a teenager, he worked in a pizza shop--doing God knows what...folding boxes, I don't know--but he thinks he's an expert on cooking because of it. He'll stand over my shoulder and tell me I'm cutting the tomato wrong, or I'm using a knife that's not a bread knife...or he'll say insane things, like I can't break the spaghetti in half before putting it in the pot. Infuriating!
For years I kept wondering why he actually enjoyed cooking. Then, I realized. Men, have a different experience than women with cooking. It's NOT expected of them. It's NOT an They DON'T do it on a regular basis. It's NOT A CHORE for them! It's something unusual and fun. Like, a kid getting his turn to play in the kitchen. This is why my husband doesn't understand why I HATE it! We have two completely different views on what it means to cook.
To make matters worse, Glenn's a perfectionist when it comes to cooking. I believe in my first post, I mentioned that we had a "hamburger fight." Did I tell you why? Because I made hamburgers that were not shaped perfectly!! Oh well. That was 13 years ago. I guess I need to let it go.
And that's the secret to many a happy marriage. Letting it go. Realizing that sometimes you just have two different perspectives on something and that you have to agree that your perspectives don't match and move on.
Glenn doesn't correct me on what knife to use for cutting tomatoes or bread anymore. I put a stop to that! I break the spaghetti in half if I darn well want to...and I just let myself enjoy when he wants to take a turn. I realize too, that even though I hate cooking....I am getting something out of it. I know that even though I dislike cooking almost every night...I'm doing it out of love for my children and for Glenn. His job requires him to do hard labor in construction and he is on his feet all day. I get to sit in an office or be at home with the kids. He deserves a meal cooked for him. Sometimes, we just have to remember WHY it is we do the things we do. For love.
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Wow! This sounded like me. We have been happily married for 40 years and about 10 years ago I stepped back and now let my husband and son do all the cooking. The deal is they cook and I clean. And, believe me, when you let a man cook, there is a lot of cleaning involved. They think of themselves as "chefs" and that's fine with me. And, now the best part - I don't grocery shop anymore either because I wouldn't be buying the right ingredients. See, life gets easier. I use to stress about not being the perfect wife/cook and one day I let it go and it was a great decision.
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