Coping with a Lay Off

Boy oh boy! Economic times are tough. My husband works in construction (installing fire protection sprinklers in industrial buildings). Work for him has been extremely slow this year. He has been laid off four times already this year. Each time a company finishes a project and doesn’t have enough new work for all of their employees, they lay off many of the men. Every time he gets laid off it’s like getting hit in the face with a frying pan! We are a paycheck to paycheck family, so there’s really no room in our lives for this type of time off from work!!


You would think that by now we would have learned how to deal with these layoffs! But, despite their frequent appearances in our lives, we are still flabbergasted every time. My husband is a union worker, and his union has been weakened over the past 8 years. More and more companies around our area are non-union, hiring migrant workers for ridiculously low pay, and not providing them with the basics such as healthcare or 401k or anything like that, thus undercutting the union. Even school districts are hiring these non-union companies, because of course, by hiring poor desparate unskilled migrant labor who will work for beans and not complain, they are able to bid the lowest on jobs. Well, I won't get on a soap box about the need for strong unions...that's my husband's mission! I'll stick to how lay offs affect marriage!


Being laid off is extremely difficult for my husband emotionally. Men want to be the providers! The breadwinners! The rock that their families can depend on. So…when he feels that he is not these things successfully enough, he gets pretty bummed and cranky. Then, I get bummed and cranky! Then the marital problem solving must begin! I’ve learned that when he gets laid off the best thing to do is to think about it in positive terms. Like, I'll tell him (and myself) that something better will come along. There will be extra time for the two of us. He’ll get to rest his weary bones! (He works incredibly hard…and at 38 his body is already showing the effects, with aches and pains on a daily basis).

I also try to bite my tongue. As much as I might want to scream “What are we going to do to pay the bills?!?!?,” I try to avoid it. I know he knows that the bills need to be paid. I know that he is trying his best to secure new work. I give him the respect that he is doing the best each day to call around and find work.

The best thing to do during a lay off is to keep busy. Take walks. Go to the park. Get a series of movies and watch them together. (We’ve gotten Mad Men Season One and have watched the first season already! Great show by the way—check it out!)

The hardest part can be just getting used to having him around all the time. And yes, as much as I love him, it can be an adjustment having him home. There's a funny saying that I heard once. Someone said that we vow to love our spouses "til death do us part...but not for lunch!? I just think that is so funny. I get used to being on my own during the day!! For exmaple, he’s much stricter than I am with the kids, so he doesn’t let the kids get away with as much as I do and that can create conflict and tension. During the course of a day I have my way of coping with "kid stress," and then when he gets into it, it can just really throw me off. I want to say "Hey...you can deal with them at 5:00 tonight...then I'm ready for you! Not now! I'm doing it my own way!!!" But, as with any other marital issues, we problem solve. We try to communicate with each other, treat each other the way we would want to be treated—and ultimately not to say anything to each other that we’d regret.

Even during a lay off, you have to focus on love.


My tips of handling a lay off in a nutshell:


• Apply for unemployment compensation

• Pay the minimum payment on your credit cards—never get behind on those or the interest rate will skyrocket.

• Scrape together your mortgage or rent—try never to get behind on those either—it’s very hard to ever catch up

• Don’t eat out or order out. Stick to cheap foods. Eat peanut butter and jelly for lunch!

• Use coupons at the grocery store and cut out all things unnecessary—learn the difference between what you need and what you want. In other words, don't spend your money on scented candles or the fanciest version of the toothbrush right now! Get the basics...just the basics.

• Don’t place blame on your spouse—it just doesn’t help

• Be supportive—ask what you can do to help

• Take your mind off of the financial stuff and do fun things that are free or very cheap—like take a walk at the park, play Frisbee, go to the local public pool for the day, spend time at the library—check out a boatload of books! Spend quality time with your kids, reading, drawing, playing board games or card games, or a great game of kickball with the family!

• Try to think positively and stay positive.

• Try to see if you can find any part-time work! Maybe a friend needs help with something.

I hope none of you out there are going through a lay off—but given the economy, I’m sure we’re not the only ones experiencing tough times. My husband is really great at hooking up part-time work during a lay off. Today, he’s off to a soccer game as the referee! Yesterday he helped a friend do some work for his plumbing company.

I sure hope the next 4 years will be better than the last 8. I gotta say I'm rooting for Obama. Getting our economy back on track is pro-marriage-pro-family.